One of my best friends asked me what I thought about her long-term relationship, and I was very honest, but tactful, as a best friend should be. In thinking about what I want now or in a future relationship from my various, different, but somewhat limited experiences, I’ve come up with a few questions that I ask myself (all, more or less, equally important, so they’re in no particular order):
1) Does he have the ‘basics’ in place? Does he have my Top 3, 5, or 10 qualities that are absolute must haves? (Does he have a quality that I absolutely dislike? ie. extremely messiness / dirtiness… If so, it might be a deal breaker!)
2) When I’m with him, do I always feel like I can be myself?
3) Do I like who I am when I’m with him? Does he encourage me to be a better version of myself? Can I learn and grow from him? (Can he learn and grow from me?)
4) Does he believe I can do anything? Does he support and encourage my dreams? Is he excited for me?
5) In 2, 3, and 5 years out, is he involved in my hobbies? Do we like a lot of the same things (interests, activities etc.)? Will we be able to hang out as best friends over the weekend?
6) Do we have the same values, political beliefs, religious beliefs etc.? (If not, is it going to be a big issue?)
7) Have we had discussions about finances (loans, mortgages) and child rearing (education, religion, activities)?
8) Does he get along with my family? Do I get along with his family?
9) Do we communicate well? Can we set aside our differences / pride and sacrifice for the other?
10) How does he handle conflict and change?
11) Do I feel like he’s going through the motions as a significant other, like saying all the ‘right’ things because he’s supposed to? Or is everything he does for me an act of genuine care and concern?
There’s one guy that I’ve always liked ever since I met him. I loved who I was when we spent time together because I could always be myself - the best version of myself. We could talk about anything and everything, and if we did ever stop talking, it was never awkward. We could be in the same room and go about our business from a quiet confidence in each others’ existence. When we hung out, he was always super thoughtful and caring, sharing what he had with me (food, stories etc). I met his family, and I’m pretty sure they liked me! LOL. Most importantly, he believed I could do anything. I don’t think he knows that I’ve always had the biggest crush on him…
Anyway, the list is not completely exhaustive, but it’s a good starting place to evaluate whether or not your long-term relationship or future (long-term) relationship will lead to a lasting partnership. Of course, to get someone amazing, you, yourself, have to either give first or reciprocate - you can’t just take, take, take!