About a month ago, I met up with a good guy friend from college. One of our favorite topics of conversation has always been relationships. As I began to tell him about my reasons for online dating and my experiences on numerous dates, he and his friend jokingly chimed in with snarky remarks and questions, almost doubling over in laughter. Always being the instigator of all things in my love-life (or lack thereof), my friend prompted me to write a blog post about my experiences.
These are my findings… lets start off with the bad:
“Hey, whats up? Your pretty / cute / gorgeous / hot. Chat sometime?” Or “Hey, what’s up? (Umm, NM U? #wtf)
(In response to my ice breaker question) If you could travel anywhere, where would you go, with who, for how long, and why?
“Japan, you, a month, fun.”
Umm, we’ve never met, but okay…
And a bolder one…
“I’d travel with you to my bedroom because ur hot until we were both tired. Does that answer your question?”
What do you say that? Answer: Nuh, nuh, nuh NOTHING.
And it just gets better!
“And I totes 100% completely believe that your computer crashed, you lost most of your pictures, and you weren’t able to fix it . If true, that’s very unstereotypically-Asian of you. I bet you’re a great driver, too.”
Thanks for insulting my driving, douchebag. (Even though it’s meant as a joke, you don’t know me at all. Why would you think that’s appropriate??)
His profile starts out – and I’m doing this from memory, seeing as he probably blocked me since I never responded? – “I value intelligence above all else, so if you’re not smart, you might as well move on. I have a Type-A personality…” He proceeds to say that he has bookshelves upon bookshelves filled with books.
His e-mail to me read:
“My name is (insert name here) (yes, I know, it is very ethnic)… and now I don’t know what to say.
Well, let me make this easy for me. You look awesome on paper. From the places you’ve lived (Paris was too expensive for my tastes), your exercise habits (I’m a bit of a gym rat), to your books. Let me focus on that. Malcolm Gladwell x2?! seriously? I enjoy Oscar Wilde… I feel like I’m rambling.
I want you to tell me more about you. I’d like for you to tell me more about you. I hope to hear from you. Cheers, (insert name here)”
And another one that is supposed to be funny but really makes no sense…?!
“Hey little miss (insert my username here),
Either you’re just using that name to hide from the police, or your parents were awful cruel to you. Anyway, you’ve probably gotten a few dozen e-mails from guys who are freshly divorced from their eighth wife, have five bratty kids, a sexy picture of an overly hairy-back on their profile, and who just got promoted to flipping burgers at McDonald’s. Either that or you’re being hit on by the geriatrics who discovered the Internet and Metamucil at that same time and are feeling as virile as a 20-year-old.
Well, I’m not going to spend too much time talking about myself, but I’m good-looking, muscular, funny, exciting, adventurous, cool, a real man’s man – the kind of man other men want to be, and women wasn’t to be with! But most of all, out of everything else, my best trait is… I’m modest. :-)
So if you’re looking to further your career at McDonald’s, or think that liver spots are really, really hot, then I’m not the guy for you. But if you want to meet up and have a great time and some great conversation, then we should get together. If you think you can handle it, that is!
Umm, what?!??! How would you respond to these e-mails? Oh, you wouldn’t? In fact, I didn’t. None of these “holla atcha girl” got any responses. Why? Because they’re full of poor grammar and spelling; they’re not thoughtful, they’re inappropriate, and SO off-putting! Ahhhhh!!!!
Now lets find a GOOD one…
Just wanted to let you know that you are really BEAUTIFUL!!! You have an amazing smile, but it’s the happiness, fun and joy that you project in this picture that stands out.
You are the first Asian woman that I know that loves the NBA. Don’t worry about being stubborn or inflexible. Usually people who succeed are the ones that get the job done. So I have a good plan for the boston terrier if you really want him.
I have worked and lived in Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia, China, Panama, Venezuela and other countries. It’s just so nice to enjoy authentic food, learn things in their culture, and try different things!
I would really like to get to know you. Good people deserve to have good friends and I would love to enjoy great and not so great moments with you, but we’ll enjoy them as they come.
Have a great night! Let me know if I can keep on talking to you, I hope you do because you really seem special. ”
Now how ‘bout that?! This is the nicest e-mail that I’ve received on the site. And he’s 32, which makes me think… while age really is ‘just a number’, guys don’t reach ‘full’ maturity (if ever), until they’re at least maybe 30? Age as an indicator of maturity is the general rule because age equals experience, and experience equals growth and maturation.
Insight #1: Guys 29-33 in my age range would probably be a good match for a long-term relationship because they’re looking to settle down.
Insight #2: Guys 24-28 in my age range would be good guys to hang out with as friends first but with potential for possibly more at a later date.
Insight #3: (Most) Guys 23 and below have NO IDEA what they’re doing in life or with girls. Avoid them like the plague.
Okay, but seriously, those e-mails don’t generally reflect the majority of the nice e-mails I received. You have to admit, though, that selection is pretty ridiculous and hilarious or ridiculously hilarious! Bwahahaha!
You’re probably wondering why I joined match.com in the first place…
1) I had a messy ‘break-up’ with my unofficial long-distance guy. I was wallowing in self-pity, so I decided to get myself together and explore online dating’s potential.
2) I really wanted to make guy friends (less drama, shared interests). Most of my friends in town are girls, and they’re too busy hanging out with their significant others. Plus, my current job didn’t allow me to socialize with anyone my age, so I figured I had nothing to lose! Obviously, it’d be great if I found someone I really clicked with, but at the very least I could meet some new people and make some cool friends.
3) I never ‘dated around’ in high school or college. And my cutie (gay best friend) had a point: “Christine, how much are you paying for the subscription? … Oh really? You’ll more than make up your money.” (Lets not get anything twisted. I’m NOT a gold digger in the slightest, and many times I offered to pay for my meal. But it was very nice being treated like a lady!)
All in all, online dating through match.com has been a pretty positive experience. The online medium allowed me to meet a lot of different yet cool and professional guys whom I would’ve never met otherwise. None of the dates were terrible, except for a couple with the same guy who just made them awkward.
- Why would I go on a second date with him? Good question. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. After all, some people don’t make a great first impression. On the first date, he asked if my parents would have a problem with his race if they met him. First off, who does he think he is assuming he’ll meet my parents?? He also messaged me every detail of his last relationships. On the second date, he insisted that on the count of five, we hold up the number of fingers that represent the number of years in which we want to get married. Creepster.
I ended up telling a lot of the guys whom I still keep in contact with (or new ones who contact me) that I’m looking to move abroad. Most of them are cool with it, and the new ones still want to meet and hang out. So it’s perfect for me. I get to meet cool guys and gain new friends, which is what I wanted to do in the first place.
Now if I really wanted to settle down, I’d join eHarmony. I think eHarmony does exactly what they say they do: match two people on very important issues and personality types. But I won’t be ready to seriously consider that site for at least another few to five years.